1001 Ways To Make Raoul Suffer For Being A Fop
by Caelia di Mekio
Summary: I think the title is self-explanatory. But if you have additional ways, I'm always open.
1. 1 to 101

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO, and the original 101 idea belongs to TheaterRaven. I thank you most humbly. I'd kiss your feet in gratitude, but that's not how I want to get my first kiss. Yes, I, Cailie di Mekio, who has written Love Without Sight and gotten very good reviews for it, have never been kissed. *Blush w/ embarrassment*

101 Ways To Make Raoul Suffer For Being A Fop

1. Play 'Point of No Return' from the 2004 POTO Movie over and over. Be sure to mention how happy Christine looks.

2. Remind him that Christine made out with Erik in front of him.

3. Tell him the girly hair really makes him look stupid.

4. Make fun of his dancing.

5. Tell him 'I don't know which makes you look worse, your mustache or your girly-hair.'

6. Pull up a Venn diagram of de Chagny Manor vs. Erik's Lair in levels of Kick-Assitude. Give the lair extra points for being messy.

7. Show him the swordfight footage and ask "How could you not have blocked that?"

8. Tell him 'Little Lotte' was an incredibly dumb nickname for anyone not named Charlotte.

9. Pull up yaoi fanfiction about him and Erik.

10. Ask him if he really thought people would like him better if he acted 'selfless' in Down Once More.

11. Tell him that it's his fault that everyone hates Christine.

12. Say that Patrick Wilson was way too good looking to portray him realistically.

13. Tell him that almost no one remembers who plays him in shows.

14. Tell him Michael Crawford has a website.

15. Say it's all his fault that the entire conflict happened.

16. Tell him that Christine _was_ perfectly happy with just the Phantom.

17. Blast Point of No Return on a continuous loop. When he screams at you to stop, put in earplugs, turn it all the way down and then all the way up.

18. Poke him.

19. Kick him.

20. Slap him.

21. Punch him.

22. Pinch him.

23. Say really mild swears at him.

24. Tease him.

25. Pull at the girly-hair.

26. Pull out his mustache one hair at a time with your fingernails.

27. Mention how much better looking his brother is.

28. Say his hair doesn't look any better in a ponytail.

29. Make out with him while he's asleep. Take photos, then show them to Christine. Watch as the fury unfolds.

30. Send him love letters from 'Christine,' asking him to meet 'you' somewhere romantic. When he gets there, watch him react to being 'stood up.'

31. Dangle a Punjab Lasso above him and use an Erik voice filter to make him think he's about to die.

32. Pretend to be the ghost of his long-dead mother. Say things like how disappointed you are at his choice of a wife or "Just wait until your father gets home."

33. Show him any horror movie that really isn't very scary.

34. Take his wedding ring off his finger and do the 'your chains are still mine' thing.

35. Show him a really crappy picture you painted of him and say, "I think it looks just like you."

36. When he cries at #35, get really upset about it.

37. Help him decide what to wear on a date with Christine. Make sure he looks really dorky.

38. Call him a pansy.

39. Ask him why he raped a sixteen year old girl.

40. Stalk him and almost kill him.

41. Find any way to make him paranoid about Erik following him.

42. Ask him why he got Christine's ring out of a Christmas cracker.

43. Kidnap his children and film a POTO sequel with them, costarring Erik.

44. Take him through the Haunted Mansion at DisneyWorld.

45. After #44, say, "Oh, please! Erik's lair was so much scarier! That was just cheesy."

46. Put him in one of Christine's ball gowns and tell him he looks gorgeous.

47. Put makeup on him. Like clown style makeup.

48. Pretend to have amnesia and get him 'mixed up' with Erik. Do things like scream and say, "Put the mask back on, please!"

49. Teach his kids to call him a pansy.

50. Try to rape him. If you are successful, taunt him about the fact that he cheated on Christine.

51. Take him to a cemetery, bite him and tell him that the two of you are now bound for eternity, and he can never see Christine again.

52. Point out that he's so obscure that they got his name wrong in the 1990 Kopit version of POTO.

53. Make a chart of the Hottest Broadway Musical Characters Ever. Put Erik at the top and him at the lowest possible point. In the negatives.

54. Tell him that Christine's secretly flirting with his brother and Erik.

55. Steal Ayesha from Erik and hide her in his sock drawers. Be there when Raoul finds her and tell him Erik's probably going to kill him.

56. Review his rescue tactics and give him really low points for unnecessary melodrama.

57. Say, "I can understand Erik going for Christine, they're both butt-ugly, but I'd expect a viscomte to have better taste."

58. Make moves on him. When he rejects you, say, "Is this how you treated Christine? If so, you might want to consider a divorce."

59. Disguise yourself as Christine, and scream at him, "I could have married Erik, why the hell did I fall for a fop like you?"

60. Say that all the boys here are so lame you're considering becoming a lesbo.

61. Pit his singing against the worst singer ever (examples: Timmy Turner, Scuttle, etc.) and say that singer was better.

62. Say, "The sissy boys at Hah-vahd Univeh-setty have more spine than you do."

63. Play the soundtrack to Avenue Q. Someone as prudish as him will start puking during 'Sucks To Be Me.'

64. Tell him every PhanGirl Ever hates his guts.

65. Let him check himself out on Lila Caffee's Phantom Interviews. Mention how good a job she does characterizing him.

66. Dare him to do Theater Raven's 101 Ways to Get Punjabbed By Erik. If he refuses, start doing the Chicken Dance and taunting him about being a wimp.

67. Sign him up for boot camp.

68. Send him to Afghanistan.

69. Send him to Iraq.

70. Send him to any war zone, I don't care where, just do something where he gets so scared he wets his pants!

71. Send him to a factory where he has to do crappy jobs.

72. Make him think he's lost the family fortune and he has to take Christine to the poorhouse.

73. Photoshop pictures of Erik so that he looks super hot, then show them to Christine with Raoul present and ask her how she could have ditched this adorableness for _that guy_. On _that guy_, wrinkle your nose in disgust at him.

74. Take his family car out for a spin. Make sure the cops see the license plate, but not you, Then, watch him get arrested.

75. Tell him you think Christine's losing interest, suggest he write her a love poem, and when he reads it to you a tester, say, "Even Erik's_ Don Juan_ lyrics were better than that!"

76. Put him in a Twilight crossover simulation where he meets James, Sam, the Volturi, and a very hungry grizzly bear.

77. Lock him in the torture chamber with Erik.

78. Trick him into admitting that he's gay, and that Christine was just a fling.

79. Have him work a kissing booth, but make it a slapping booth, and make an announcement to all PhanGirls of the World.

80. Sign his family up for one of those Nanny shows, just to see him cry when she criticizes him.

81. Tell him he's getting fat. He'll immediately call Jenny Craig.

82. Tell him that Erik has challenged him to a duel. An Aaron Burr type of duel.

83. Tell him Christine eloped with Phillipe.

84. Tease him mercilessly about the 'incident' in Phantom of Manhattan.

85. Kick him in the place where the incident occurred. If you go too low, it will still be effective.

86. Remind him Christine ditched him after the gala.

87. Shave his head.

88. Spell his name wrong.

89. Call him a great booby.

90. Buy Christine a black kitten with a white patch on its right eye named either Angel or Phantom. Make sure she loves it/ spends more time with it than she does with Raoul.

91. Tell him Christine only married him for his money.

92. Say once he's dried up, Christine's divorcing him and going back to Erik.

93. Ask how he can be Gustave's father when Gustave is so sweet and adorable.

94. Sing Bathing Beauty. Repeatedly.

95. Tell him Erik adopted Gustave with Christine's permission.

96. Make him listen to A Chorus Line (Same line of reasoning as # 63)

97. Remind him the biggest thing he ever shot was a cat.

98. Tell the ASPCA he shot a cat.

99. Lock him a room with Greil Sutcliffe from Kuroshitsuji. Show Christine once they've begun making out.

100. Bring Sebastian Michaelis into situation 99.

101. Tell Erik what you've been doing and invite him to watch.

Numbers 80 through 82 are credited to Miss Lila Caffee.


	2. 102 to 140

Salve. (That means hello in Latin. It's pronounced sal-way.) Ordinarily, one would think that this fic is done, right? WRONG! As per a request from Crazylinarani, I've decided to extend this fic to 1001 ways. But I need your help! Send me ideas for making our least favorite fop cry! Keep reading to see what I've got now!

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102. Put him in a corset.

103. Put him on the _Flying Dutchman_.

104. Put him on _Jeopardy!_ and make all the categories ones that only PhanGirls would know. Put two rabid Phans as the other contestants.

105. Put him on _Survivor._

106. Make him watch...THE DARIO ARGENTO VERSION!_ DUH DUH DUH!_

107. Replay the ratsterbation scene. Over and over.

108. Feed him Tabasco-flavored pickles. (They are nasty.)

109. Sing the Evil Chibi of Doom song. Repeatedly.

110. Make him do the Caramelldansen for three days without _any_ breaks.

111. Put bamboo splinters under his fingernails.

112. Feed him kimchee.

113. Make him listen to Love Never Dies. Repeatedly.

114. Send him a picture of how phangirls think his and Phantom's yaoi-kids would look like.

115. Repeat #114 with Christine and Phantom.

116. Cut off his girly hair.

117. Put Phantom makeup on him while he sleeps.

118. Give him a Phantom mask and tell him Go away!

119. Bitch-slap him.

120. Make him watch his death scene from the Robert Englund version.

121. Reenact said death scene.

122. Starve him.

123. Use him for sniper practice.

124. Make him watch Joel Schumacher's _Batman and Robin._

125. Let loose the killer rabbit and Legendary Beast of Aaaaaaaaargh from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_.

126. As long as we're on the subject of _Monty Python and the Holy Grail, _make him go through every thing in the song about "Brave Sir Robin." This means mashing him into a pulp, gouging his eyes out, breaking his elbows, splitting his kneecaps, burning his body away, hacking and mangling his limbs, smashing in his head, cutting his heart out, removing his liver, unplugging his bowels, and raping his nostrils, burning his bottom off and splitting his penis. Not necessarily in that order.

127. Say Ni to him.

128. Make him try on every single one of Carlotta's costumes.

129. Make him sing Carlotta's part while in her costume.

130. Force him into a split.

131. Pierce every inch of his body, then pull out all the whatever-part-it-is-rings and let the piercings get infected.

132. Go back to the Dario Argento version and perform every gross act that Julian Sands' fail-ratsterbating-no-mask-or-deformity-Phantom does.

133. Taser Ayesha and then lock her in a room with him.

134. Perform the Chinese water torture. If you don't know what that is, Google it.

135. Lock him in a room with a bunch of rabid Rottweilers.

136. Post embarrassing photoshopped picture of him on MySpace/Facebook/Flickr/Photobucket/DeviantArt.

137. Perform acupuncture on him.

138. Lock him in a room with each Disney villain, one by one.

139. Give him a shot.

140. Break his fingers one by one with a hammer.

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So? Like? Hate? Some of these are Crazylinarani's idea, which I like quite a bit. Thanks. Please review!


	3. 141 to 163

Hello! I'm back with more ways, but I still need help. So, if anyone has an idea, send it in!

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141. Let loose Gerard Butler and the rest of the 300 cast (aka merciless, bloodthirsty Spartans).

142. Stick him in the grinder from Sweeney Todd.

143. Send Sweeney after him with a razor.

144. Tattoo a half mask on him.

145. Shave half his hair off before a gala.

146. Make him watch Sweeney Todd over and over again.

147. Re-enact the barbershop scene from the end with him as the customer (Google  
it if you like).

148. Tell him that your favorite RaoulXSomeone pairing is either RaoulXCarlotta or RaoulXJoseph Buquet.

149. Play the video game 'Return of the Phantom' slap him for killing Erik (that's what your character, Raoul does in the game) and then rant on and on about how the game should have let you play a guy named ERIK or ERIC and have Raoul killed.

150. Remind him that he had to have help getting into the Phantom's lair, by an old guy and an old, possibly insane (no offense, Madame Giry, you are an AWESOME character) ballet teacher.

151. Read 'Angel of The Opera: Sherlock Holmes Meets The Phantom of The Opera' with him, emphasizing on how Holmes and Henry think of him.

152. Watch the part of the 2004 movie where he leaves to 'get his sword' and ask him if he was using the restroom.

153. Tell him that the only Harry Potter character he is comparable to is Fleur Delacor.

154. When he asks if that's a good thing, say 'yes...for a girl.'

155. Force him to watch the original 'Exorcist'

156. Watch and laugh as he cowers in fear.

157. Make him sing 'Prima Donna'. When he's done, tell him "It's a miracle. There's someone just as bad as Carlotta."

158. Show him (if there are any) CarlottaXRaoul fics.

159. Ask him how he got into the navy.

160. Ask him if he's secretly in love with the Persian.

161. Before you ask, hide a recorder inside your pocket and if he says yes, show the recording to Christine.

162. Tell him that to get the part of Erik, someone must have a strong yet sweet voice, but to get his part, you just have to have foppish hair.

163. Simply, make him watch Erik and Christine passionately kiss over and over again.

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Many of the ways in this chapter were sent in by Celtic Authoress of America, Vanessa Osbourne, and TragicallyBeautifulNessarose. Many thanks, my dear readers. 163 down, 838 to go. Send in new ways ASAP, please, or just review!


	4. 164 to 200

NEW CHAPTER! Some of these ways were submitted by Serpentinia Malfoy, Igneous Pride, PhanForLife, Celtic Authoress of America, and Vanessa Osbourne.

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164. Remind him, no matter which story he features in, if Christine has a child, it's never his.

165. Simply remind him that he is not, in fact, Gerard Butler.

166. Burn the fop!

167. Force him to "walk the plank" and laugh mercilessly when he freaks out about ruining his clothes.

168. Force him to watch the scene in the 2004 movie where the Phantom runs his hands over Christine during "the music of the night"

169. Comment to him that Christine gets turned on by the phantom.

170. Send the old lady from Madagascar 1+2 after him with her purse.

171. Make him listen to "its a small world" on repeat; laugh when he goes insane.

172. Ask him if he needs a license to act that gay.

173. When he says he's not gay, tell him a male stripper you met said otherwise.

174. Put him in a dress and introduce him to parisian society; laugh when no one can tell the difference.

175. Come up behind him and say "what the devil is going on here" like Snape from "a very potter musical" (on youtube).

176. Ask him if you can borrow one of his balls and when he acts confused and when he says he doesn't have any, say, "Aha! I knew it!"

177. Put pink die in his shampoo and when you see him, act weirded out and say that you didn't mean for him to take the song " true colors" so literally.

178. When he cries about his hair, tells him that its ok; the people who like him are mostly gay, and won't mind the color.

179. Make him sign up for American Idol, with Simon Cowell and Erik and you as judges. Be sure to point out the similarities between other horrible  
contestants.

180. Insist he tell you where he gets his hair done.

181. Force him to idolize a teen pop star. Then tell him his idol is stupid.

182. Point out that he takes a LONG time to realize it's Erik onstage during Don Juan Triumphant.

183. Get him to attempt Erik's cape swishes.

184. Laugh when he fails.

185. Tell him that in the book, Gaston Leroux basically describes Raoul as a girl with a mustache... then laugh.

186. Make a really bad poem/musical piece/song, show it to him, and say that it was inspired by him.

187. Take a lollipop, lick it, and stick it in his hair.

188. Show him all the sexy Erik/Christine manips you can find, then point out that the only thing he has that's at all close is a doodle of him kissing Meg.

189. Afterwards, point out that some of the manips had Christine on the roof, and Erik had replaced him.

190. Remind him that Love Never Dies gave him only 38 minutes of stage time and a crappy solo number, while Erik and Christine both got 72 minutes, and fairly good solo numbers.

191. Tell him Meg got 51.2 minutes, Madame le Weirdo (Giry) got 53.8 minutes, and Gustave had 53.6 minutes. So yeah, he was almost inconsequential.

192. Do the same thing for Phantom of the Opera (Broadway version, since the 2004 version gave him the weird flashback bits).

193. Edit a sound file of him so that he sounds about 5 years old, and say, 'This is a romantic hero?'

194. Break his nose using the Bend and Snap.

195. Ask him to play Nikos in a version of 'There! Right There!' Get his secret boyfriend to play Carlos, and don't tell him until the show starts.

196. Blackmail him using photoshopped pictures of him kissing Meg, based on the doodle mentioned in 188.

197. Get Meg to help you for this next one: After Number 196, accuse him of statutory rape, and have Meg testify against him. Watch while he tries to deny it to Christine.

198. Lead a 'fop lynch mob' on a raid at his house, and demand that he send out Christine as a sacrifice.

199. When he does, send her back to unleash her fury at him for abandoning her to the PhanGirls.

200. After he's begged for mercy, ask Erik to do the Terminator "I'll be back" thing.

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200 WAYS! YEAH, BABY! But we're not done yet! PhanGirls of the world, hear my cry! Let us take revenge on the pansy who dared steal our beloved Erik's Christine! Review!


	5. 201 to 235

Okay, here we go. This chapter includes donations by: KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, PhanForLife, LokiLover, Mirifaery, Little Luxa, Magik Sause Of Death, and shoeychocolatXD. Thanks, everyone!

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201. Lock him in a room with Erik, the Punjab lasso, and several tons of Phantom powder. Watch the pandemonium that is sure to ensue.

202. Hide Ayesha in a basket. Give it to him and tell him he's going on a picnic. When he's gone, tell Erik that Raoul kidnapped Ayesha and plans to eat her.

203. Ask him if he loved Christine so much, why didn't HE switch places with Piangi and sing "Point of No Return" with her?

204. After he says he didn't think of it, tell him "That just proves how awesome Erik is."

205. Bring Christine into the room. Tell her that Him called her as she bursts into tears as Him attempts to take it back.

206. After No. 205, bring Erik into the room and have him comfort Christine. Ensure that Him watches while they're hugging.

207. Compare Erik to all the famous heroes of literature that you can. Compare Christine to all the famous heroines. Compare Him to himself in the Charles Dance version. Be sure to point out how much of an epic fail he is at a romantic hero.

208. Point out how little he is mentioned in Susan Kay's "Phantom". Tell him it's because Christine loved Erik more all along.

209. Tell him that dark, disturbed, geniuses are so much more interesting and appealing than wannabes who have better hair than their fiancées.

210. Dress yourself in a Christine costume. Bitch-slap him. Tell him that you never really loved him, that you loved Erik all along. Proceed to sing "Point of No Return" with Erik and show Him what would've happened if you hadn't unmasked Erik.

211. Remind him that he starts to cry at the end of The Point of No Return in the 2004 movie over and over.

212. Tell him that he is invited to dinner with Hannibal Lector.

213. Don't tell him that Hannibal Lector is a cannibal before he leaves in 2.

214. Play Heaven by the Sea 24/7.

215. Tell him that Christine her ring back to Erik because she loves him more.

216. Glue a white half mask on his face while he is sleeping.

217. Ask him where Christine's stockings went when she woke up after The Music of the Night and why they were gone in the first place.

218. Tell him why you think Christine's stockings were taken off

219. Force him to read a m rated E/C Phic

220. When ever he walks into a room yell "Wife Beater!" and then hit him on the head repeatedly because of what he did in LND to Christine.

221. Bring him to a jonas brothers concert (they do not deserve to be capitalized.)

222. Encourage him to sign up for cheerleading.

223. Fail to mention the coach is Sue Sylvester.

224. Put him on a 'blind date' with Carlotta and tell him he's with Christine.

225. Throw a wasp nest at his hair

226. Give him honey scented cologne and send him into a bear/bee inhabited forest.

227. Tell him you're setting him up on a date with Erik. When he asks why, read aloud his diary, (which is really a Phan's diary) about how he (she) dreams about Erik all the time.

228. Show said diary to Christine, while he is in the room.

229. Tell him that people hate him so much that in the movie when he was going to drown/be crushed, people (especially Phans) laughed.

230. 229 can also apply to when Erik was going to strangle him in the movie.

231. Or when Erik had him in the torture chamber in the book.

232. Force him to sing Love Never Dies.

233. After you do, ask him why he can sing so high, and tease him about singing Castrati (POM reference).

234. Tell him Ramin Karimloo will always be remembered for playing Erik, not him.

235. Dump rats on him, like Erik does to Carlotta in the Charles Dance version.

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A/N: It's in your hands, Phans. We must make the fop suffer. Help us out! REVIEW!


	6. 236 to 285

Me: Welcome back to our torture sessions, mes amis.  
Raoul: SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!  
Maddie: ...Nooo... You're too fun to play with...*glomps Raoul and suffocates him*  
Me: Maddie, we still have 766 ways left.  
Maddie: BUTBUTBUT... *lets him go* Finneeee...  
Me: Stop pouting. I'm letting you do all this to him, aren't I?  
Maddie: huggles him* At least he has abs.  
Me: I'm telling Lerato you're ditching him for Raoul.  
Maddie: Noooo! Butbutbut I'm not!  
Me: You are.  
Maddie: Every girl needs an Erik and a Raoul. LIKE CHRISTINE.  
Me: Oh, so you WANT to be considered a slutty idiot?  
Maddie: Nope. I just want both of them and be smart about it. Raoul can take me out on expensive dates and Erik can screw me. Easy.  
Raoul: HEY!  
Erik: Yes!  
Me: I'm gonna pull a MEG.  
Maddie: NOOOOOO...  
Me: YEEEEES!  
Maddie: *huggles the now appearing Erik* Save meh!  
Me: Bang!  
Maddie: *dodges and brings out BB gun* You're gonna get it! *chases after me*  
Me: Sighs Care for a swim?  
Maddie: Nope! I CANT SWIM!  
Me: *Holds gun to Erik's head* Can he?  
Maddie: Nononononnonnonono, YOU CAN'T DO THAT *shoots me with a BB gun*  
Erik: CAN WE JUST GET TO THE STORY!  
Me: Aaaaaaagh!  
We're not doing anything without an apology from Maddie!  
Maddie: NO WAY!  
Raoul: Can we leave?  
Me: No. And fine, we'll go back to our regularly scheduled torture sessions.  
Raoul: !  
XxXxX  
236: Re-enact the final lair sequence, but make sure Christine is out of the  
way. Let Erik Punjab 'till his heart's content.  
237: Steal his diary. Or, if he doesn't have one, forge it and then steal it.  
238: Give said stolen diary to Erik. Watch Erik have a field day with it.  
239: Get him drunk.  
240: After number 239, say, "Wow. I never though I'd say this, but Love  
Never Dies got something RIGHT!"  
241: Remind him about the "incident" in Phantom of Manhattan.  
242: Let Erik recreate the "incident" in Phantom of Manhattan.  
243: Sing "Beneath a Moonless Sky" with Erik at the top of your lungs.  
244: Steal Christine's diary. Look for passages that hint that she loved  
Erik more than Raoul. Type them up. Print 200 copies and paper his room with  
them.  
245: Write "I HEART ERIK" all over his walls in lipstick.  
246: Steal his hair products.  
247: Whenever he walks by, point at his hair and scream, "WIG!"  
248:Let him play strip poker and then make sure there will be a camera there.  
249: Force him wear a black women's' swimsuit (preferably a bikini) and dance 'single ladies'  
250: Pretend to be Christine and says he and Erik should get along cos you are in  
love with Brad Pitt!  
251: Pronounce his name wrong (and in a different way every time).  
252: Send Javert after him with a nightstick.  
253: Stick him in Labyrinth. Not Pan's Labyrinth. The David Bowie and Jim Henson one.  
254: On second thought, do stick him in Pan's Labyrinth.  
255: As long as we're on the subject of mazes, stick him in the original Labyrinth. The one with the Minotaur.  
256: Make him perform the 12 Labors of Heracles. Not Hercules. Hercules is a pile of misconceptions by Disney. Heracles is the real kick-ass hero from Greek mythology.  
257: Make him join the Mickey Mouse Club.  
258:Tell him Disney is making a Phantom movie and changing his name to Phillipe. Although the Yeston-Kopit version did that too...  
259: Set him up on a date with Britney... during her crazy psycho phase.  
260: Set the Mogadorians from I Am Number Four on him. In all their creepy tattooed glory.  
261: Tell him Erik is his father.  
262: Tell him Madame Giry is a man. Watch his mind explode.  
263: Tell him about the holocaust and other genocides. Then casually mention how some people want to kill royalty.  
264: Tell him you gave Erik an MK-47 for his birthday. Neglect to tell him that doesn't exist.  
265: Say that Erik has gone crazy and is referring to himself as America and Raoul as Nagasaki and Hiroshima.  
Maddie: You're terrible.  
Me: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.  
266: Tell him that you got him drunk and he bet all his money on a Russian Roulette game with Erik. The game is next week.  
267:Light his pants on fire and don't tell him.  
268: Steal his pants.  
269: Set him up on a date with Marik Ishtar from Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged...(LOVE YOU, LITTLE-KURIBOH!) Tape their denial.  
270: Ditto Bakura/Florence.  
271: Everytime you see him, call him: 'Mr. Pantaloon!" Or even better, "MRS. PHANTALOON."  
272: Mouth all your words to make him think he's going deaf.  
273: Send the Repo Man after him.  
274: Tell him that in the 25th anniversary concert of Phantom, Erik will be played by Ramin Karimloo, and he will be played by Jesse McCartney. Wait, on second thought, make that Justin Bieber  
275: Stick him in a room with the Hitachiin twins when they're feeling they need a new toy.  
276: Have Erik and Nekozawa-Senpai team up on Halloween to freak him out.  
277: Take him through all the creepy scenes in the Indiana Jones films. Snakes, bugs, rats, zombies, EVERYTHING.  
278: Force him to watch every movie of the SAW franchise.  
279: When you're done, make him re-enact said franchise.  
280: Set his hair on fire.  
281: Throw fireworks at him and laugh at the efects with Erik.  
282: Make him dance ballet  
283: Put him on roller coasters until he pukes  
284: Put him on ANOTHER roller coaster and "forget" to make him put on his  
seatbelt.  
285: Make him watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Repeatedly. With no breaks.

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A/N: Took me long enough, right? I feel horrible about this, but I can't even remember who helped me get all of these, but it WAS a group effort.


	7. 286 to 324

Donations from: Queen of Drama13, KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, PhanforLife, and Laura in the Sky with Diamonds

286: Send him to the barricade. Inform Enjolras that this is Viscount who you have captured. Inform them that you believe he should be tortured. Sit back and watch the fun.

287: Set a dragon on him. Like the big ones from Harry Potter.

288: Set him up on a date with Umbridge from A Very Potter Sequel.

289: Take him and Erik into uncharted waters with a Punjab lasso and some dynamite.

290: Hang him from the ceiling and invite the Phangirls to a pinata party!

291: Throw him into a shallow lake. From a helicopter.

292: Follow him around singing 'The Song That Never Ends.'

293: Make Erik help you with the one above.

294: Laugh when he can't take it anymore and tosses himself off a bridge.

295: Feed him to Audrey II from little shop of horrors, at least the plant has a better sense of humor.

296: Point and laugh at him every time you see him.

297: When he tells you to stop, point your elbow at him and yell "HOMALAHOMALAHOMALA!" loud enough for the neighbours to hear you.

298: Compare Erik and Christine's relationship to every great love in the history of the world (e.g. Romeo and Juliet). Then pull up a list of recently divorced couples in your area and compare them to Raoul and Christine.

299: Read him a horrifying death scene and when he gets scared, smile wickedly and say, "If you think that's bad, just wait until I read yours!"

300: Have Erik push him into the pit from 300, shouting THIS IS OPERA! (I couldn't resist, we were AT number 300!)

301: Force him to read every chapter in E/C fanfic history where he is either heavily dissed, beat up or killed.

302: After reading each one, make revisions to the chapters so that each death is more drawn-out and painful than it was before.

303: Stick him in a room full of ! fangirls.

304: Introduce him to the online forums where said fangirls meet (make sure to make them the forums with really nasty Raoul haters).

305: Subscribe him to Playboy magazines and hide them under his mattress, then show them to Christine.

306: Blow out his credit card, then tell Christine they've got debts and will have to live on the streets, then blame him.

307: Take him to a strip club, take pictures, and post them all over the Internet.

308: Point out that he is so obscure, they still haven't announced who's playing him in the 25th Anniversary Phantom.

309: Say that, given they had Marius played by Nick Jonas in Les Mis, he'll probably end up being played by Justin Bieber.

310: Say that, since Steve Barton created him (the role) and is now dead, he too must die.

311: Pull out his hair, strand by strand or go crazy and just tug and pull.

312: Pull out his fingernails and toenails one by one with a rusted pair of tweezers.

313: Rub his skin with sandpaper and then soak him in lemon juice.

314: Throw a bowling ball at his most sensitive spot or at his feet, either is fine.

315: Throw some very sharp darts at his ass, the tips being coated with acid.

316: Lay him down in a bed of starving ants naked and covered in meat juice.

317: Hold him in place and keep his eyes open and poke at him with a needle.

318: Use a very sharp knife and slowly peel off each layer of skin.

319: Cover him in blood and toss his ass into a shark infested water.

320: Tie him to a rope overhanging a tank of piranhas & slowly start cutting the rope.

321: Tie him down and make him listen to Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind" song about 50 times (while watching a poetic montage of crotch shots and drunken debauchery starring her and Nicole Ritchie), then pry his weeping eyes open to watch episode after episode of the Kardashians. Offer him a spork to gouge said weepy eyes out while you remind him that these bimbos tour around the world spending money, driving luxury cars, and starring in reality TV.

322: Have Spock perform the Vulcan Mind Meld.

323: Or just have Yami from Yu-Gi-Oh do a Mind Crush. Either works.

324: Send him to Pigfarts. Without his space suit.

GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME MAKE UP MORE METHODS!

A/N: That last one wasn't really one of them, but seriously. I need some help here. We're 677 ways short of our goal. Come on, remember who this is! Raoul de Chagny! The guy who swooped in and stole Erik's one true love, leaving him to Mary-Sues, a horrible sequel, and a life of misery. Well... maybe not entirely, seeing as he has all those E/C phics... and he and Christine do have a son together (named Charles, Pierre or Gustave, depending on whether you're a Kay, Forsyth or Webber Phan). But still!


	8. 325 to 400!

Donations from: Queen of Drama13, KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, Thaovyphantran, Lila Caffee, PotterVampireFan, PhanforLife, and Kaen Okami.

325: Buy him a kitty cat. Make him fall in love with that kitty cat. Then one night, sneak into his room and punch him in the face.

326: Show him the Sarah Brightman/Steve Harley Phantom of the Opera video, and laugh as he runs screaming from her scary eyes.

327: Collect Voldemort, Darth Vader, Mr. Hyde, Jack the Ripper, Sweeney Todd, Bellatrix Lestrange, Macavity, Ursula the sea witch, Cinderella's evil stepmother, Carlotta and The Queen of Hearts, put them in a room together, the explain one-by-on how he has insulted each and every one of them. Pop some popcorn and watch the fun!

328: Tie him to a rocketship and blast off!

329: Explain to him how a point on outside of a record travels faster than a point parallel to it on the inside of the record even though they turn at the same rate, make the same number of turns per minute and arrive at the same point at the same time. Watch his mind explode from trying to comprehend that.

330: Make him watch Bambi. Laugh when he cries when Bambi's mom get's shot even though you're dying inside.

331: Make up nicknames for him. (I.E, Foppy, Fopster, Sir Fops-a-lot, etc,)

332: Enter him into a fop contest against Edward Cullen. When Edward wins, tell him he even fails at being a fop.

333: Flush his hairspray down the toilet.

334: Take him too the mall to try and find a different look for him. Try gangster, goth, punk, skater, cowboy, etc, until finally deciding you liked him the way he was before. Watch him break down from exhaustion.

335: Send him to high school. 'Nuff said.

336: paste pictures of burly nude men wearing masks and cloaks all over his room-then show Christine-then show Erik!

337: make him listen to Peter Griffrin's "Bird is the Word " song from Family Guy  
Over and Over and Over again!

338: Put him in the house of Ed Gein,show him what's in there*go on wiki,type "ed gein" and go to the link"arrest"*

339: Make him sing "Friday" by Rebecca Black repeatedly.

340: "Accidentally" cut his girly hair.

341: In a second thought,shave all his hair and give him his hair and laugh.

342: Throw him in the lake

343: Feed him poisoned birthday cake.

344: Bury him alive.

345: Feed him chili. Lots of it. Then hot sauce. Then put him in a desert.

346: Take him to Hogwarts and sign him up for remedial potions. Every day. For 12 hours straight.

347: Ask him if he got your text.

348: Even if he replies "No." Say, "Well, you didn't text me back."

349: Feed him the Umbridge diet: Protein shakes, Eagle eggs and Rocks.

350: If he refuses the last, tell him that's what Erik eats.

351: Leave Harry Potter books around, and when he finishes the first one, tell him Snape kills Dumbledore. Post the reaction picture on every social media site.

352: Tell him that Fabio lost the Old Spice Guy challenge.

353: Be his stylist, and let his hair go greasy. Tell him you were "going for the  
Snape look."

354: When he's dancing to Party Rock Anthem, pause the music after the "Every Day I'm Shuffling" part, and watch him continue to dance, because he expects there to be more.

355: Make him think he has selective hearing.

356: Offer him parfait.

357: If he doesn't like it, insist that "everybody loves parfait!"

358: Tell him that Phantoms are like Onions. They have lairs, secret ones. :)

359: Tell him that L'oreal is using Snape as a new model, instead of him.

360: Make him reenact the worst Disney villain deaths ever. (Ex. falling from a cathedral into a blazing inferno after a demon statue comes to life and roars at him (Frollo), getting impaled through the chest (Maleficent/Ursula, while getting hit by lightning in the case of the latter, being blown to bits by a firework after getting his ass handed to him by a girl (Shan-Yu), being devoured by vicious hyenas (Scar), etc.)

361: Force him to watch the original Nightmare on Elm Street and then the 1989 version of Phantom where he dies (Robert Englund played both Freddy Krueger and Erik, so in effect they are the same) and then get him paranoid that he will be killed by Freddy in his dreams if he sleeps, or by Englund-Erik if he  
stays awake. Laugh when he panics.

362: Following the previous method of torture, continually ask him if Johnny Depp is his boyfriend. (God, if anyone gets that joke, they deserve a nice rose or something...)

363: Curl his hair.

364: Braid his hair. Weave flowers, beads, etc. into said braid.

365: Dye his hair in neon rainbow colors.

366: Kidnap his children and give them to the phangirls. Videotape what happens to them, show Raoul and Christine, and tell Christine it was all Raoul's fault. Laugh when she yells at him for being a bad father and hits him over the head with a frying pan.

367: Arrange a dentist appointment for him with Orin Scrivello, from Little Shop of Horrors.

368: Neglect to tell him that Orin is a majorly crazy sadist who will torture him until he cries.

369: Get Erik to help with this one: Throw Raoul in the lake, and start blasting the Jaws theme. Have Erik swim menacingly around him with a fake shark fin on his head. (Make sure Raoul only sees the fin.) Make fun of him for panicking.

370: Whilst on the subject of Jaws, let's put him on the Jaws ride at Universal, as the one closest to the shark machine and tell him it's a real shark.

371: Let's keep to the theme of movies with a score by John Williams, and move to the most obvious: Star Wars. Have him face off with Darth Vader, Darth Maul, Count Dooku and every other Sith lord, with his only weapon being a toothpick.

372: Stick him on Hoth in a man-kini (Hell yeah, I went there.)

373: Put him on Mustafar in a snowsuit.

372: Hack off his limbs with a lightsaber and replace them with bionic ones, making sure he's conscious and on NO painkillers.

373: Next franchise: Indiana Jones. Make him use only his hair to go through that temple with the big boulder from the first film.

374: Stick him in the well of souls, and have Erik provide spooky noises.

375: Ditto the mine carts in Temple of Doom.

376: Treat him to the full gory Temple of Doom banquet. Invite Erik to come too, and give Erik whatever he wants (make sure it's yummy) while Raoul can't even have a glass of water.

377: Make him watch Batman and Robin for one week straight, feeding him only on Mr. Freeze's frozen TV Dinners.

378: Death by cute little Ewoks.

379: Death by Wookies.

380: Death by Spock.

381:Death by Tribbles.

382:Death by Klingons.

383:Death by James Cameron's Alien

384: Death by Smurfs.

385: Death by Gargamel, the wizard from The Smurfs.

386: Death by Mrs. Norris, from the Harry Potter series.

387: Point out in the trailer for the Phantom Reviewer's Phantom Movie, he's never even mentioned.

388: Tell him that Erik is planning to sacrifice him to the White Witch in order to rule Nahr-ni-ya (Yes, do say it like that.)

389: Tell Aslan he's an agent of the White Witch.

390: Force him to trim the stinkiest toenails you can find... with his teeth.

391: Get his skin really pimply, then pop every single one of them in the most painful way possible.

392: Feed him as many spicy Slim Jims as possible, and deprive him of water for a week. Or longer.

393: Send him on Willy Wonka's tunnel of terror (The creepy one from the Gene Widler version.)

394: Call him every rude term related the French people you can find.

395: Stick him in a room full of bloodthirsty pirates.

396: Stick him in a room of bloodthirsty ninjas.

397: Stick him in a room filled with irritated cats.

398: Force feed him terribly baked cookies.

399: Feed him rocks disguised as chocolate.

400: Feed him Uno's Rattlesnake Pasta, and tell him after he's done that the chicken really was rattlesnake meat. (Don't worry, it's not.)

A/N: OMIGOD, WE HIT FOUR HUNDRED!


	9. 401 to 446

Here we go, and this time, the donors are Kaen Okami, Queen of Drama13, KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, Thaovyphantran, MadameGiry25, YardApe, Angels-Protegee, Elizabeth-Darcy27 and 5faces

401: Let William in Pillars of earth rape him and tape it and show to Christine,makes sure you has dubbed the orgasmic noises to cover his screaming  
of pain.

402: Tell him a Calvin Klein male model has a crush on him and tell Christine  
about it.  
403: Duct tape him to the roof of the opera house and leave him there.

404: Throw him into the stampede from Lion King.

405: If he gets out of that alive, throw him into the river from the end of Lion  
King II.

406: Put the clown from Poltergeist in his room.

407: While we're on that subject, send Pennywise the Dancing Clown from Stephen King's IT after him.

410: If you want to be really cruel, send Pennywise after his children instead.

411: Send the Terminator from the first movie after him and the T-1000 from the second movie after his children.

412: Get him so drunk that he gets a tattoo on his ass that says 'Erik Was Here.'

413: Tell Zeus that Raoul stole his master bolt, tell Hades that he stole his helm of darkness, and tell Percy Jackson that he stole Annabeth's virginity (For that matter, tell Christine that too). Watch them all direct the fury of hell on him.

414: Lock him in a room with SpongeBob SquarePants for a week.

415: Trap him in Jurassic Park and let all the dinosaurs loose.

416: Tie him up and let Alice Cullen give him a makeover.

417: Then tell Alice she can use his family fortune for a shopping spree.

418: Ship him with Piangi.

419: Lock him and Erik in a mirror maze. Give Erik his Punjab lasso and his sword  
before going in, and give Raoul a clothes hanger.

420: Tell him you invented a time machine and recorded his future, then show him  
a video of 'Love Never Dies'.

421: Ask him to open a jar. When he can't do it, ask Erik to open it for you. When he opens it in three seconds, politely thank him and dump the contents of said jar on Raoul's head. Laugh as he cries.

422: Make him watch Disney movies (Ex: Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, etc), and after he falls in love with them tell him what actually happened in the stories they were based on. Watch the traumatization begin!

423: Follow him around holding a pool noodle, and every time he tries to speak whack him in the head with it.

424: Take this entire story and put it up as your 'to-do' list.

425: Have Bart and Lisa from the Simpsons prank call him repetitively, and then have  
Christine call him-watch him curse her out and have Erik deal with him!

426: Have him watch Contagion, and afterward, have everyone start walking around  
in hazard suits and surgical masks, don't give him any.

427: Make him watch Mimic, give him a Judas bug as a birthday present!

428: Have him watch the Little Mermaid and point out that Sierra, aka Christine, fell in love with a guy named Eric, only neglect to mention the spelling difference.

429: Mention the fact that he and Erik are technically a couple because Hadley and Ramin did an Enjy-Grantaire thing in the 25th anniversary Les Mis, and now Hadley has played Raoul.

430: Say that you will never forgive him, since this means Hadley is going to turn into a drunken douche. After all, the concert used the LND Mme. Giry, Christine and Erik. Start beating him up for ruining our darling Hadley.

431: Death by winged monkeys.

432: Make him wear the ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz and laugh when he thinks they look 'cool'.

433: Have him spend a year just being tortured by Erik.  
434: Tell him the textbook definition of "fop" is a silly person or a dandy, so he loses either way.

435: Make him watch the videotape part from The Ring (just the videotape!), tell him the story about it, and have Erik call. Then sit back and watch him wet himself.

436: Ask him if he really is the Missing Hanson Brother.

437: Sing "Mm-bop" repeatedly.

438: Make a Raoul voodoo doll and stick a pin in its heart, then leave it out for  
him to find.

439: Then tell him it's Christine's.

440:Put him in a dress and then convince Marius that he's Cosette

441: Poke him over and over and over and over and over and over again

442: Mock him about the 2004 Why Have You Brought Me Here? for his girly "Believe me!"

443: Remind him that the closest thing to a character that he has in Phantom of  
the Paradise is an old geezer who has to drug Phoenix (Christine) for her to  
like him.

444: Make him wear a dress and wooden clogs while singing "It's a Small World."  
Tape it and show it to Christine and Erik.

445: Post said video on YouTube, and email it to everyone you know.

446:Let Shilo (sheltered teenager) spend a day with Raoul. Tell Nathan  
(over-protective father of Shilo), convince him go into Repo-mode, and watch  
as he reposseses Raoul's appendix (got to make it hurt without being lethal).

* * *

Yeesh... Well, we're getting close! Send 'em in!


	10. 447 to 501

Submissions from Thaovyphantran, Phantom Novelest, 5faces, bo-leigh bella, Angels-Protegee,TheAustralianZombie, BwayAngel1296, and cynthiatophklepinger.

443: Tell him everyone would love to hear all I ask of you by Erik and Christine,not with his girlish voice.  
444: Let him meet Hannibal Lector and watch Mr Lector drive him mad.  
445: let Phantom Novelest's sister play with him  
446: Give him a puppy. A week later, take the puppy, put a stuffed-animal puppy covered with ketchup on the side of the road (without him knowing), and when Raoul's home run into the house screaming, "OH MY GOD! THERE'S A DEAD DOG IN THE ROAD!" Laugh as he bawls uncontrollably.  
447: Tell him that you're going to tell Christine that he values a dead dog over her.  
448: Give the living dog to Erik. Convince Erik to help you make Raoul believe that even the puppy is a phantom.  
449: Tell him the puppy is a phantom because only cool people/things can be that.  
450: Give Erik an empty room, a plastic knife, a rusty nail, child safe scissors, and a broken bottle. Put a chained up Raoul in the room. Challenge him to kill Raoul in under an hour. Watch the fun!  
451: Make him ride the Haunted Mansion ride in Disney. Have Christine and Erik waltzing in the ballroom. Giggle when he cries and screams.  
452: Make him read all the fanfics with Erik and Christine having their happy ending.  
453: Have Erik use his awesome voice throwing skills to talk constantly to Raoul.  
454: Threaten him until he goes insane.  
455: Get him in a car with Ricky Bobby and Karen the cougar.  
456: Drug him, dress him in a Madonna costume, take pictures, and send them to him with a note saying "Busted! Signed, O.G."  
457: Enter him as a contestant in a Japanese game show.  
458: Sign him up for the new season of "The Real World"  
459: Apologize and take him to get his nails done... Then give him a coconut and tell him to open it.  
460: Make him sing Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful", then throw tomatoes.  
461: Remind him that he said on the rooftop the phantom of the opera wasn't real, when everyone just saw him hang someone and Christine was in his lair and has roses from him.  
From animes: Kuroshitsuji-  
462: Show him a picture of Kuroshitsuji Season One OST cover and tell him that Sebastian Michaelis playing Erik totally pwned him.  
463: Tell him that Ciel looked like him. And that Ciel is a total fop of a guy who cross dresses and is totally gay.  
464: Tell him you read his diary, and that he does the exact same things Ciel does.  
465: Tell him you know he has a soft spot for Erik, as portrayed by Ciel and Sebastian always seeming to have that lovey dovey relationship, and also that you know that the two anime characters just happen to have sex every night.  
466: Tell Christine that he has sex with Erik every night. Laugh as Christine totally gets pissed at him and hopefully leaves him.  
467: Dress Grell up like Christine and make him drunk and have sex with Grell. Then when Will finds out, make sure he death-scythes Raoul over and over again for it.  
Ouran High School Host Club-  
468. Make Kyoya say all his Shadow King criticisms at him.  
469. Laugh when he starts crying when Kyoya is being his dark Shadow King self.  
470. Make Tamaki believe that he is Haruhi. Then watch as Tamaki takes him away, leaving Christine free to go after Erik.  
471. Make Nekozawa-sempai's sister believe he is Nekozawa. Then when he arrives home and Christine catches him with the little kid, tell her he's been cheating on her.  
472. Dress Haruhi up like Christine and put a spy cam in their bedroom and film them having sex. Mail the film to Christine.  
Cardcaptor Sakura-  
473. Make all the cards do funny stuff to him. Especially make a clone of him with the mirror card, then tie him up and make him watch as his clone takes over his place in Christine's life instead. Forever.  
474. Make Yue shoot his energy arrows at him.  
475. Make him think Kero-chan is a plushie. Laugh at him when he gets a shock when Kero talks.  
476. Make him rape Sakura. Then watch as her brother and Syaoran beat him up.  
477. Tell him that Sakura even as a little kid could do so much. And all he could ever be is a fop.  
Soul Eater-  
478. Get him into a fight with Death the Kid.  
479. Make him highly asymmetrical, completely unfixable and put him in front of  
Death the Kid. Watch as he bears the brunt of an OCD rant.  
480. Tell Black Star that his next target is Raoul. Watch as Raoul cries  
getting assasinated by a noisy blue haired kid.  
481. Let Blair seduce him and film them having sex. Send the video to  
Christine.  
482. Make Blair send sexy photos to him. Tell Christine to check his mail and when she finds Blair's pictures, tell her he's been cheating on her and quickly call Erik to come console her, so that while being consoled they can have sex. Make Raoul watch them having sex.  
Nagasarete Airantou-  
483. Put him as the male protagonist and watch with Christine as all the girls fawn over him and he totally cant get out. Christine will get pissed and leave for Erik.  
Negima-  
484. Put him in a battle scene where all the girls are getting stripped and tell Christine he was cheating on her by looking at them getting stripped.  
485. Ask Evangeline to turn into her adult form. Laugh as he gets freaked out by an adult vampire.  
486. Tell Evangeline to drain him of his blood. And kill him.  
487. Hope that Evangeline refuses. Then tell him it was because he was such a fop even a thirsting vampire wouldn't want him.  
488. Convince him to criticise coffee in front of Fate. Then watch as he gets criticised back and starts crying because of it.  
Movies:  
Nim's Island:  
489. Tell him people would rather fangirl over Gerard Butler with his shirt all wet and his abs showing than him being a fop and going full monty.  
490. Make him a stowaway on Nim's dad's boat. Make sure to include the scene into the movie where he gets tossed over for stealing Christine.  
491. Make sure he gets chopped up in the motors after he gets tossed over.  
492. Dump a wire cage on top of him if you do not like blood and guts. Tell him it's totally reminiscent of the 04 movie, except he's not going to get out this time.  
493. Cast him in Les Mis... as the barricades.  
494. Tell him how many Raouls who have gone on to play Erik in the ALW show. He will have an identity crisis.  
495: Point out that Killian Donnelly lost more rounds of #johnvskillian.  
496: Say "You make me so mad, I'm gonna kick you in the balls...Oh, wait. You don't have any."  
497: Make him sing Modern Major General from Pirates of Penzance for 24 hours straight.  
498: Get him really addicted to coffee, then deny it to him for the rest of his life  
499: Put him in an Honors Physics course taught by a psychopath pyromaniac Russian with no tutor. (I speak from experience: It is damn near impossible to survive.)  
500:Make him go on a road trip with Donkey from the Shrek films.  
501: Put him in front of a raging Nostalgia Critic. One that just watched Quest for Camelot.  
Omigod...501! That means we're over halfway there! Yaaaay!


	11. 502 to 545

Donations from Phantom Serenity, Phantom Novelest, TheAustralianZombie, EnjolrasAmy, Skybeat, KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, Christina Love

* * *

502) Put him in an empty room with a security camera and tie him to a chair, blindfolded. Tell him to count how many a timer "ticks" before buzzing after five minutes. Program the timer to go backwards.  
503) Glue him to the toilet  
504) make him watch wordgirl  
505) Throw a pie in his face, video it and put it on youtube.  
506) Tell him that the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about, then watch the fun.  
507) Walk up behind him and slap the back of his head a la Gibbs from NCIS  
508) Have him being threatened by the Madagascar penguins like they threaten the ships captain? 509) Like Feathers McGaw in Wallice and Gromit-the wrong trousers, have Erik shove him onto a moving model electric trainset and shoot him.  
510) Submit him to be the Nostalgia Chick's new torture subject.  
511) Make him listen to KT Perry's I wanna see your peacock  
512) Make him watch the wierd bikni man in the fan video dance to the previous song  
513) Actually, put him in a bikini and make him copy the man. Film and send to Christine and Erik.  
514) Have Ramin and Hadley beat him up because he was such a poor character to play. Have Ramin in one of his Erik costumes  
515) Send him back to the barricades, but this time dress him as Javert and keep Valjean back, meaning that he is executed.  
516) Then bring him back to give the rest of the amis a chance to shoot him.  
517) Magically spirit him into Jehan's place in the book/Shoujo Cosette just before he's executed.  
518) Re-enact the final lair, with every epic Phantom on the end of a Punjab. Give one to Hadley and Killian as well. Keep Christine (Sierra btw) back, and then have her picked up by Ramin!Erik a la end of POTO25 and carry her off.  
519) Make him Selkor as the Warden's 'time lock' spell cause him extruciating pain as he tries to manipulate time (Darkweaver Quintet by Mark Robson)  
520) Make him the guy Davy Jones kills on that shipwreck in Pirates of the Carribean 2, then have Davy Jones kill him.  
521) Then feed him to the Kraken  
522) Send him to Scotland and take him on a tour of Loch Ness. Make sure to tell him about Nessie (the monster), but don't tell him she's a myth, then push him in and watch him spazz.  
523) Put him on the ride Th13teen at Alton Towers, and when it drops, have Erik say that he's falling into his lair  
524) Then send him to Nemesis  
525) Then Nemesis-what lies beneath. He'll wet himself.  
526) Have Nemesis eat him.  
Skyrim-  
527) Tell the Dragonborn He's Alduin in disguise. Watch the shouting commence.  
528) Tell Ulfric Stormcloak He's general Tullius, watch as Ulfric Kills him "In the name of Skyrim!"  
529) Put him in a locked room with a sexually deprived Darth Traya/Kriea. (KoToRII reference.)  
530) Teach Erik the ways of the Dark Side of the Force. Then tell Erik that Raoul is a Jedi and must die.  
531) Tell him that when way 365 (Dye his hair Neon rainbow colors) was done, Rainbow Dash was offended. Let her have revenge on him for ripping off her hair colors, rather poorly I might add.  
532) Tell V from V for Vendetta that Raoul and the British government were coming after Evey-and watch the butchering and humiliation  
533) Get Rapunzel from Tangled to hit him with her frying pan... repeatedly.  
534) Tell Jack Sparrow that he took all the rum!  
535) Make Facebook hate page of him, get all the Phangirls to join, then tell him it was Christine's idea.  
536) Make him Chris Brown's new victim.  
537) Drop a spiky ball in a bouncy room with him inside there  
538) Tie him upside down over a lion chamber  
539) Trap him in a room with Carol Channing singing (XD)  
540) Chop off his arm and make him watch as a hyena eats it  
541) Send him in a maze and if he don't escape in five minutes, release a murderer with a chainsaw in there.  
542) Tie his hands back of a boat propeller and just drive that sucker  
543) Tie him to a tin roof in the middle of the desert, so when the sun hits, he'll burn like hell until he dies.  
544) Trap him on a helicopter propeller  
545) Skin his arm and stick it in a fire ant hole.

* * *

**Keep 'em coming, amigas!**


	12. 545 to 575

**Donations from Lauryn (Guest), GreatIceDragon, KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, Anon guest, Edelweiss Roses. Given my recent immersion into the Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings fandoms, things are getting more gruesome.  
**546) Play "phantom of the opera" on the piano/organ repeatedly.  
547) Have Umbridge ask him if he's gay. When he says he's not, Umbridge will teach him about "telling lies."  
548) So long as we're on the subject of Umbridge, use Mama's Little Love Handle on him (A Very Potter Sequel.)  
549) Tell Bellatrix hes Voldemort in polyjuice-and hes finally accepted her dominatrix offer!  
550) Slather him in teriyaki and barbeque sauce. Especially his hair.  
551) Push him into a pirhana infested tank and munch on popcorn while you watch.  
552) Get M'or Du from Brave to chase him.  
553) Give him a cup of coffee with chilli and ketchup instead of sugar.  
554) If he won't drink it,shove it in his throat.  
555) Have him accidentally wish for the goblins to take Christine away right now and make him solve the Goblin King Jareth's Labyrinth or Christine will be turned into a goblin.  
556) Tell Erik what happened and have him solve the Labyrinth before him.  
557) Bog him in the Bog of Eternal Stench.  
558) Have him watch Dario Argento's infamous Phantom of the Opera "Rat" scene.  
559) Tell him that Freddy Krueger is going to haunt his dreams.  
560) Make him watch "The Ring" haunted video tape and then prank call him saying creepily "Seven Days..."  
561) Send him to Camp Crystal Lake for a "vacation."  
562) Show him the POTO sequel Love Never Dies.  
563) Force him to spend a day with a Sherlock Holmes incarnation of your choice and have Sherlock make him feel stupid(er).  
564) Put a severed head in his fridge (pantry, wardrobe, etc...) a la BBC Sherlock.  
565) Make him knit a Thneed.  
566) Put bleach in his shampoo bottle.  
567) Introduce him to the E/C tag on Tumblr. Be sure to blacklist anything that says "I like Raoul" or something similar.  
568) Plant the One Ring on him.  
569) Tell Gollum he took the 'precious.'  
570) Release the Orcs.  
571) Let Legolas use him for target practice.  
572) Push him into Mount Doom.  
573) Have him take Boromir's place at the end of Fellowship of the Ring.  
574) Give him to Joffrey Baratheon as a new plaything. 'Nuff said.  
575) Two words: White walkers.


End file.
